How the Lord Touched me....

I Have Experienced God’s Love And Caring In Abundance And Here is a Testimony to Glorify the Most Holy Name of Jesus!

My Background:

Hi, my name is Lester Menezes and I was born and raised in a middle-class Catholic family in Bombay aka Mumbai in India. Originally my parents are from the state of Goa, but they settled in Bombay after their marriage. I have two brothers; one older and the other younger to me. We also have an extended family and dozens of cousins, most of them being from my mother’s side and a few from my father’s side. So, visiting their homes and spending time with my cousins were also part of my childhood story.

As a kid, I loved watching WWE (Back then it was known as WWF, I used to try wrestling stunts on my younger brother. I was a huge fan of The Rock- Dwayne Johnson, Stone Cold Steve Austin and many others). My mother was fond of typical Indian family drama/daily soaps while my dad was a news buff.   My older brother was inclined towards movies and my younger brother would delight in taking advantage in being the youngest in the family.

As a kid, I use to love Cricket (for those who think Cricket is just a bird, please Google the sport: Cricket but do that later). I even dreamed of becoming a Cricketer. I used to play cricket with my neighbours and watch it on TV, like most Indian Cricket fans I have been a great admirer of Sachin Tendulkar. I also enjoyed watching programmes like Small Wonder, Crystal Maize and a Hindi programme called Zabaan Sambahl ke- Mind your language (Yes, it was based on the British program – Mind Your Language). During my teens, I use to be mad about Full House.

 Now all in all I have had some happy memories of childhood, but there was also a difficult part. The difficult part was when I developed middle child complexes. There were many times when I experienced my emotional needs getting neglected, overlooked etc. My brothers seemed to have had more 'attention' from my mother than I did. And probably this began to affect the way I see myself. (With the Lord’s help I am at peace with it today, no parents are perfect, so I have and always am learning to overlook any shortcomings of the past and focus on being thankful for the good things my parents have done for me and above all depend more on God.)  

Over the years, I became less dependent on my parents to meet some of my needs as a growing child and at times most of my needs (even financial needs) especially during adolescence and as a young adult.

Now we are not a very posh family, my mother has mainly been the bread winner of the family because my dad lost his job after the three of us were born. So, there were financial challenges and my parents had their own things to deal with in their marriage. The responsibilities of paying the bills and meeting our educational and growing needs fell on my mother which she courageously took on while my dad mainly took care of the household responsibilities.

 In my early years, I never understood the pressure my parents had to go through, especially my mother. But the secret of my mother’s courage was her devotion to God and her commitment to our Catholic faith.

My mother was religious. However, she wasn’t very knowledgeable about the faith i.e. she wasn’t aware of theology and philosophy but she had her own set of devotions which she passed on to us. As much as I can remember, she was the first person to introduce the concept of God and the person of Jesus Christ to me and my brothers. She used to take us to church and get the family together in prayer. We would pray the rosary regularly and recite certain prayers to God before going to bed.

As my mother got us involved in Church and school, we had new sources of influence that shaped our faith and worldview. I learned more about my faith through the church and Sunday Catechism classes. Also, the Catholic schools in which I studied in had its own influences as well.

The first six years of my school life was in a Jesuit school. However, I was not always flooded with religious instructions. I had the opportunity to learn about different people and made new friends. After class six, I moved to a school run by the Salesians of Don Bosco, another Catholic school. This school also had a boarding and I was part of it for four years (Between class 7 and class 10). The best part of being in Don Bosco School was the awesome encouragement and opportunities we got to participate in sports. One of my most exciting days was when I represented the football team in class 10.

Now even though I studied in an ‘all boys school’, it never stopped my ‘heart beating’ for some of the girls in my vicinity who were pretty as far I was concerned. I used to have huge crushes on my teachers (female) and a girl from my Sunday School Class. But then I was a shy kid so, no much drama. Most of the time I was a dreamer, lost in my own world.

Psalm 139: 14-16 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well, My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

My Beliefs:

 My mother, our local parish church and the Catholic schools I studied in influenced my beliefs about God and my worldview.

However, school life also introduced me to new people and especially people from other religions. So, I learned about Hindus, Muslims, Parsees etc. although I did not understand much about these religions either.

When I was with friends, it wasn’t so cool to be religious or Mr. Obedient. (Even among my own ‘Christian friends circle’) School was more about discovering yourself, your special talents be it in sports, academics, drama etc. and if you were good at something, even if it meant being physically stronger than your friends then you ‘earned’ respect from friends. Being mischievous but not getting caught at it was a special talent to have but some boys would take it to a whole new level which was not wise.

I also learned to develop an identity of being Indian (yes from the Church and through our education system).

Also, I believe sports (Indian Cricket) at a superficial level was a unitive factor in bringing the Indian people of diverse cultures, languages and religions together.

However, there are occasions when the laws of state may contradict laws of one’s religion. So, my faith had a very important role in defining my ‘Indianess’. I was always proud of being Indian but my Catholic faith was more important because my faith was supposed to be the foundation of my value system. And hence it was not an easy journey and it meant going against the tide.

The basic idea I developed about my religion was the instructions I was given about my faith. I was taught to believe in the person of Jesus Christ and that he died for my sins. I learned that other religions had different concepts about God and but mine was different and that would leave me a bit puzzled.

The very foundation of Christianity is love, but the idea that Jesus died for my sins was always drilled into me. I never really understood why Jesus died for my sins and how did it even matter, I would wonder at times. However, out of human sympathy, I was always moved by a crucified image of Christ.

I was also taught that Christianity was the truth and that we believed in the one true God and we are his sons and daughters by baptism and through Christian charity.

This is not to say that baptised Christians are better than the rest because of themselves but it means that by baptism, Christians shared a special relationship with God through the merits of Jesus Christ. (But because of free will, even a baptised Christian can abuse this gift and go astray.)

In general, anyone who believes in God and who does good as per God’s standards is a child of God. Even if you are not Christian but you sincerely desire God and seek to do his will that is known as baptism of desire.

The church always offers prayers for all of humanity that God guide their consciences and lead them to himself.

About Christianity:

Christianity is a monotheistic religion because it affirms that God is One divine being but there are three persons in one God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
The 3 persons refer to the inner nature of God.
One God=3 persons, not 3 Gods.
God revealed himself completely in the person of Jesus Christ.
The second person of the Blessed Trinity the Son became Man in the Person of Jesus Christ (Mystery of the Incarnation) through the Virgin Mary. (Yes, Mary was a virgin throughout her life).
Why?
To win back man to God by making reparation for the sins of mankind by his sorrowful passion, death on the cross and eventually his resurrection from the dead.
Christianity is the fulfilment of the promises God made to the Jewish people and hence it is the fulfilment of Judaism.
All of God’s promises to the Jews were fulfilled in Jesus Christ; the greatest promise of all being the salvation of souls.


Now the idea that God became a man and died on a cross will indeed sound absurd to many.

1 Corinthians 1: 25: For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.

But God’s ways are different from man’s ways.
One thing to keep in mind is that Jesus willingly out of love allowed himself to be crucified. Being God he could have destroyed his enemies at will.
But he allowed himself to go through the crucifixion to fulfil the Divine plan of salvation for the world.
 Man is a finite person and just a creature and God is infinite and almighty.
An offence against the infinite and almighty God deserves an infinite punishment. Man being finite cannot offer infinite reparation for his sins. Only someone equal to God can offer infinite reparation. Hence, God in the person of Jesus Christ, the second person of the Blessed Trinity offered himself on the cross to the Godhead of the Blessed Trinity as perfect reparation for the sins of the entire world.
As a kid, naturally, I never even had the faintest ideas of these things. But God was always part of my life and never stopped pursuing my heart.

My First Experience of God:

Now I’ve had numerous experiences of God. I have had experiences from being saved from the jaws of death on few occasions. (At that point, I would not attribute it to God but of course, now I do.)

But today, I’m going to talk about something different. I’d like to share my first God experience at a specific place.

The Catholic Church has various groups with different Charisms to serve a need in the church. The Charismatic group is one of the popular ways of praying in the church. It is one of the charisms given to the church by the Holy Spirit.

Now when I was in 9^th class, my mother took me for a Charismatic retreat.

A retreat is a place where you spend time with the Lord in prayer and through different forms of prayer you deepen your relationship with God. This normally lasts between 2 - 5 days, and in some cases more than 5 days.

A charismatic retreat consists of song and action songs, praise and worship, and other prayers with a very lively atmosphere. It also involves singing and shouting praises to Almighty God.

In October 2001, my mother took me to a place called Tabor Ashram, located in Kalyan just outside Mumbai. Tabor Ashram is an institution within the Catholic Church and it is endowed with a Charismatic spirit to help people grow in the faith.

During this retreat, I had an experience of God. (As I said earlier, there are countless things God has done for me, this is just one experience which I'm sharing).

So, initially I was very reluctant to attend this retreat and given that they had a charismatic style of worship, which involved shouting praises to God, I felt very out of place.

However, since I had to spend 4 long days at the retreat center, I decided to give in during one of the prayer sessions.

During the same session, everyone was praising God with their hands raised, so I too gave it a shot. I closed my eyes and raised my hands and voice and had begun praising God, but in a short span of time, my mouth and hands began to pain.

I was about to bring both my hands down but at that moment the priest announced, “Do not put your hands down even if they pain, the Holy Spirit will give you power..." at that moment I felt an amazing power grip my hands (I cannot express in words what I felt) I thought someone caught me. So, I opened my eyes and I just saw and heard people praising God, I closed my eyes again, I still felt this amazing force on my hands, but I still had doubts so I tried pulling my hands down, I found it too difficult, and then I tried pulling it some more... this time ‘the force’ left me…

The memory of this experience always remained with me at the back of my mind. But as I moved out of school and went into college, my views on the faith began to change.

As a young man, I wanted a lot of freedom, money and to do whatever I wanted to, provided I did not hurt anyone. In truth, I was struggling with a lot of issues. I went into a 'secret'depression. The lack of finances at home, the frustration of not being able to take up sports as a career especially cricket, the hurt I carried in me because of my middle child issues etc. were all coming together. Around the age of 17, I started to develop serious doubts about my faith and everything that was taught to me. Eventually I choose to become an Agnostic.

I believed there was a God or a higher power but I felt that all religions were man-made, including my own.

My Perception of Other Religions Then:

Before I began to call myself an Agnostic, I was struggling with the idea behind the existence of so many religions in the world.

Every religion has their own version of God and death. I used to believe that when a Hindu, Muslim and Christian dies each will go to their respective Gods…

In other words, I used to think that when a Christian would die he would go to Jesus and when Hindus would die they would go to Ganesh and the same with people of other faiths.

But over the long run this did not hold much water because it just did not make sense.

Because if you can go to a God, simply by professing a particular religion then you seem to be more of a ‘God’ than the ‘God’ whom you profess. You seem to be more powerful than God himself. Which of course, is not true.

In the same way picking and choosing beliefs from one particular religion or picking and choosing beliefs from various religions as per your convenience only proves that you are still not submitting your will to the Almighty or a higher power.

Because if you believe in the Almighty or a higher power than you are still required to submit your will to this entity. Aren’t you?

But you can’t do it because you don’t know who he is.

So, I knew that all religions cannot be true and that all ‘Gods’ are not one. In my growing years, I believed that my religion was true because it was taught to me, and I believed that other religions were man made.

But when I was out of school and struggled with important teachings of my faith, I concluded that my religion too was man made like all religions and hence I choose to become agnostic.

My struggle with Religious Teachings

Apart from what I mentioned above I used to be troubled about certain things being sinful for me as a Christian but since my Muslim or Hindu friends practice a different faith, they escape a difficult teaching.

The same applies from the perspective of people of other faiths as well.

I can eat beef, but a devout Hindu will not, I can eat pork and drink alcohol in moderation but a Muslim is forbidden from doing so.

As a Catholic I was struggling with the Church’s teaching on artificial contraception. (You may get a shock, but just hang on… there’s only Good news when we see God’s plan for our sexuality)

So yes, the Catholic Church teaches that the use of artificial contraception is sinful.

Now if Scientific laws or Natural laws can apply to all of Humanity? How can God’s laws not apply to the whole of humanity?

But there’s confusion because there are different versions about who God is and his laws.

Now to get closer to the truth only two things are possible.

Possibility #1

Either all religions are man-made and hence we cannot have the whole truth.

Possibility #2

Only one religion of all the religions on earth can have the whole truth. And if it does than it’s surely been revealed by God and it is for all of humanity.

Why I Questioned the Validity of my Faith….

One of the reasons I chose to become agnostic was because I was not convinced about Christianity.

I was only believing in it because I was told to and I could not agree with many of its teachings.

I asked myself why should I believe in what the church tells me about Christ/God?

Only because my parents say so or because it was written in the Bible or because the Church says so?

How fair is it for me to think that other religions are man-made but Christianity comes from God?

What proof do I have?

Had I been born in a Hindu family, my beliefs would have been different, likewise if I was born in another family that practised another religion.

And as I stated earlier, the Catholic church’s teaching on artificial contraception was absurd to me.

I felt the church was not in sync with the present times.

HIV and AIDS have been such a significant issue, yet the ‘church doesn’t seem to care’?

And why is the Church firstly, getting into people’s bedrooms?

I questioned what’s wrong with contraception? Should I be having dozens of babies?

The Church advocates abstinence for the unmarried and fidelity for the married. And married couples, who genuinely need to space babies, NFP or Natural Family Planning is considered the morally right way.

(It was only after my conversion of heart and when I encountered Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body that I began to see the church’s teachings on Human sexuality in a different light and was convinced of the beauty, truth and the awesome plan God has for us, after all he created us and he created sex, so he definitely knows best.)

(The media, pharmaceutical companies and our own selfishness in general have allowed the idea of ‘Safe Sex', ‘Protection’ to be propagated.  People now associate use of condoms as protective tool as if conceiving a baby is a disease. Even pharmaceutical companies will sell the pill without telling the women how harmful it can be to her body? Well, these generate a lot of revenue after all. Why don’t they propagate NFP or Natural Family Planning, which has greater bonding benefits for a married couple than artificial means? Well you can’t make money out of that after all.  And probably because we just want the pleasure of sex but don’t want to be open to fact that sex could lead to babies and hence we want to deliberately eliminate the procreative aspect, thus leaving God out of what should be a sacred union between validly married couples).

(The problem with artificial contraception is not that it’s artificial, the problem is that it’s ‘Contra’ meaning against conception. The nature and mentality it propagates, is closed to conception. Does that mean married couples should have babies every time they have sex? Of course not. A woman is not even fertile all the time. Since women are infertile for most part of their lives, the marital act during infertile period does not make it immoral for a validly married couple.

What is required is that the married couple be open to the possibility of life whenever they experience the marital union. Because that’s how God designed it to be. NFP is challenging work and does requires communication between spouses and both are equally involved in tracking fertile and infertile periods which strengthens the bond between spouses. Being open to life does not mean having babies every time but it requires trusting in God every time, because God is the giver of life. However, God does calls us to be more generous and his plan for us will lead us to true happiness)

Anyways back then, I use to believe…

The Church’s teaching on contraception didn’t make much sense to me.

I would ask, why is the church is so archaic in her thinking? 

I asked myself…Why do I identify with the Christian religion?

Also, violence in the name of religion further fuelled my belief that religion is really stupid!

When religion became more ritualistic and mechanical for me, it started to get to me.

Go to church why? because my mother says so? 

Why I am not allowed to go to a temple or a mosque? Cause my religion says so…

I did not understand why did Jesus choose to die for my sins? It wasn’t music to my ears at all to hear that my sins put Jesus on the cross.

Come on...what’s the logic behind someone else dying for me and that he lived twenty centuries before me and I should only believe in him because I’ve been taught that he is God?

Gandhi died for our nation, so many people in history died for a cause. (I really never cared) but…what makes Jesus any different? And how do I even know that somebody called Jesus even existed and that he died for me and that he rose from the dead?

John 8:58 "I tell you the truth," Jesus answered, "before Abraham was born, I am!"

John 11:25 Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die"

I tested religions based on their teaching of life after death.

Hinduism teaches about re-birth…

Christianity teaches about eternal life in Jesus Christ…

Muslims believe in Jesus and eternal life but for them Jesus (Isa) is only a prophet and not GOD.

And besides that, the divisions within Christianity itself, other than Catholics, there are Protestants, born- again Christians, this church of God and that church of God and each one with their own interpretation of the Bible.

So when I sought answers to questions like:

What will happen when a Christian, Hindu and Muslim die? 

Will the Hindu receive rebirth? And the Christian have eternal life In Jesus and the Muslims have Heaven with Allah…Can all happen at the same time?

Logically All Three Cannot Happen at the Same Time!

So I concluded, logically either only one religion could be absolutely true i.e. it comes from God or all religions are manmade. 

And if there is a religion that comes from God it must be for all.

Incidents Which Shook Me:

I continued to go to church, but only when I felt like going, I use to stand outside church for Mass, another guy just a year or two older than me, would stand at the same place, after many Sundays we became friends, he was a good friend I made in a long time. His name was Joshua. A very simple guy by nature, but always with a smiling face, had long hair, beard and very down to earth.

In 2005 after the heavy rains of 26th July, many buildings in my area became weak and about a month after this incident my friend Joshua's building had collapsed and he was gone! He’s whole family!

I looked very calm on the outside but I was shattered on the inside. I could not believe this had happened. How could he go so easily? How? How? How? He’s too young to die…he was 19!

He could have been saved…if the ambulance was on time…damn our government is useless.

Amazingly he’s younger cousin sister was the only person to survive that incident!

As time and life moved on, I took up a job for a while. I did not go to college because of financial issues also I wasn’t sure about what to do in life. At this new work place I met a girl ( we didn't share the same faith and she was older to me) whom I ‘fell in love’  with but things didn’t go my way, while both of us were good friends I knew it was never meant to be and bang I hit my lowest. (Well, I was not even mature enough to understand what true love is.) The pain of this experience marked the beginning of my conversion to God.

At one point in my life I dreamed of conquering the world but here I was broken in spirit.

[Psalm 51:11 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.]

I tried seeking refuge in music, tried identifying with ‘big’ personalities: Kurt Cobain, Eric Clapton, GNR nothing worked. Tried self- help, counselling didn’t work either. Life is so unfair…Why me? Why? What did I do? I’ve never hurt anyone?

Psalm 51: 3 for I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned oh lord

What else is left for me, I had a broken spirit and a miserable self -esteem financially broke…experience rejection…I felt like an outcast within my own family…Pain, pain and only more pain.

As a last resort, I turned to God…Enough Lord...I can’t take this anymore...alright you win, I lose…what do you want from me?

Matthew : 11-28 ″Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest…

So Many Religions Which One is True?

Since I became very sceptical about religion, I did not want my religion to do anything with me, I needed my space, I did not want to mix personal and religious life!

Yet questions about my identity, religion, God, people, love, life and death troubled me the most. The more I avoided the more I felt the need to face them.

I had sincere doubts about my religion, I grew up with Hindus, Muslims and other Christians, etc. If Jesus is God, what about those who don’t know him? And those who do not accept him as GOD?

I always admired the way the Muslims prayed. I knew I wanted something meaningful, deep and a personal relationship with my creator but little did I know that God himself desires this more than I do and that he himself put the desire in my heart to seek him.

I believe that deep desire in our hearts, the longing for love, affirmation can explain to some extent the existence of so many religions in the world.

It is impossible for a man to know anything about God unless God reveals himself. Because God is infinite and man is finite, God is almighty and all powerful and man is just a creature. Now this made sense to me!

Bishop Fulton Sheen in his book “Life of Christ” puts it - History is full of men who have claimed that they came from God, or that they were gods, or that they bore messages from God – Buddha, Mohammed, Confucius, Christ, Lao-tze, and thousands of others, right down to the person who founded a new religion this very day. Each of them has a right to be heard and considered. But as a yard-stick external to and outside of whatever is to be measured is needed, so there must be some permanent tests available to all men, all civilizations, and all ages, by which they can decide whether any of these claimants, or all of them, are justified in their claims. These tests are of two kinds: reason and history. Reason, because everyone has it, even those without faith; history, because everyone lives in it and should know something about it.

As I mentioned earlier as a last resort I turned to God, (in truth it was his grace that gave me strength to turn to him)

I turned to Him whom I grew up knowing is God and that he died for me…just near my residence area there is a cross which has Jesus with open arms placed on the cross. This place is commonly known as cross maiden. I used to sit there and pray, I did not know how to pray, so I purchased many small prayer books and would recite prayers from that book. Then I would pour out my heart to Christ in my own words: I told him, Jesus forgive me…help me…I am really confused about my life, my beliefs, help me, if you are God you must be knowing my pain, help me I’m too shy, I cannot express myself. Help me find meaning with my life, why have I been put here? What am I going to be? I do not know how to pray please help me. So many opinions about God and life and this and that. Whom and what do I believe in?

Each time I spoke to him I felt an amazing peace, I so longed for that…My doubts did not disappear but Jesus became my new friend. I was telling him everything…even about the girl that I loved…whenever I felt low and broken I would go to talk to him. All I wanted was some peace, I wasn’t very interested in what Jesus would say to me: how can a statue speak to me? I wasn’t very faithful would meet him only when I felt very low, but most of the time I use to feel low, so I was seeing him often and talking to him more as a friend.

Around that time, I developed an interest in learning Spanish after listening to some Spanish songs. I then decided to take things further, so I searched for a Spanish language institute in my city. After some research, I found a place in Mumbai that teaches the language. This place is known as Gulmohur Study center. Gulmohur is also managed by people from ‘Opus Dei’- meaning ‘Work of God’. Opus Dei is a Catholic group that originated from Spain. I had heard nothing about them before this. Through my brother’s friend I go to know of a person who teaches Spanish. My first Spanish professor was an Argentinian national and his name is Mariano Iturbe. As I began to visit the center only for Spanish classes, I learned other things about them as well. I made some good friends they were devout Catholics and members of the work. After I was done with my basic Spanish course I continued to visit the center since I made friends. However, I was not very devout because I still had doubts about the faith. My friends at the center would encourage me to talk about myself and other things but never imposed ‘my own catholic beliefs on me’.

Who is This Person Jesus Christ?

Isiah 49;15 "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me".

Life moved on as usual, it was time for me to join college, I was excited about this new phase of life; I pursued a bachelor’s degree in Mass media. In the first year, projects and assignments kept me distracted from all that I was going through. I was going through the pain of a heartbreak. I wanted a new beginning, to put the past behind and start life anew. I felt some sense of security about pursuing a college degree cause I felt it would give me a head start in life. I made few good friends in college, but again self -doubt, uncertainty about my future creeped in.

The financial issues in my family caused many other problems and always stirred a lot of insecurity in myself. To continue my education, I had to work to arrange money for my college fees as my mother was not able to help me because of a crunch she was facing. At the same time, I had to make sure that my education did not suffer. I could not afford to miss more years. I took up a sales job where I was selling life insurance. I also met a businessman from the US at Gulmohur center. He offered me freelance work which helped me immensely.

It was not easy to see some of my well to do friends get everything so easily in life whereas I had to struggle for every little thing.

However, I tried to stay positive and thanked God for giving me a chance to go to college and helping me financially through the work I was doing.  Selling Insurance and doing other freelance work. Managing work with college was never easy but I just had to do it.

During first year of college at Christmas time, I was thinking of ways to prepare myself for the Christmas season. One of my friends from the center his name is Kevin told me the best way I could prepare for Christmas is by going to the sacrament of confession. I had not made my confession for a long time.

 So, on 24 December 2007 few hours before mid-night mass services, I walked into Holy Name Cathedral, Colaba. However, the church was closed. When I looked around I saw a man in a formal pant and a half sleeve shirt, near the ground. I approached him and asked if he knew if any priest was available for confession? He said, “I am a priest.” (Wow he was waiting for me). I told him I wanted to do my confession. We moved to a private place, and I made a good confession. I experience so much peace and later received Jesus in Holy Communion during mass.

In a way I felt greatly relieved, I was desperately waiting to start life a new and the only person that I could speak to any time in all the 24hours of the day was Jesus. I went to him as I was doing earlier, asked him to help me to get over my past and start life all over again, at the same time I was wondering if I am going to continue to go to Jesus to have those little talks with him, I felt I need something more intense.

One day when I was at the cross before him, I felt so restless I did not feel like praying but suddenly the words ‘Tabor Ashram’ came to my mind and immediately I remembered the experience I had back in October 2001. I hurried back home, got onto my computer and found all the information about Tabor Ashram on the internet and made up my mind to attend the Good Friday service that year.

Finally, it was Good Friday ( 21st march 2008), as I entered Tabor Ashram I felt like I returned home. I felt nostalgic about the place, I was here seven years ago.

On Good Friday the preaching was about the intense sufferings of Christ

The priest said: if you have experienced sufferings in this life look at the cross of Christ, Jesus also suffered, if you have experienced rejection turn to Jesus; he was also rejected, if you suffered loneliness, Jesus also suffered loneliness. Everything about Jesus and his sufferings began to appeal to me.

I was completely hooked on to everything that was said about Jesus, later the movie: The Passion of The Christ-  was screened for the entire congregation.

I had watched the movie few years ago but it was different this time, somehow, I felt I was present at every stage of the crucifixion, I felt like something real was happening. There were 3 moments that touched me deep in my soul and shook my spirit.

- First When Pilate asked Jesus what is truth..?

and Jesus answered...

John 18: 37 “For this I was born, and for this I have come into the world, to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth hears my voice.”

This question kept on ringing in my heart and soul what is truth..?

Second, just before the scourging, Jesus says: Father my heart is ready…

I was so deeply touched, how could he say my heart is ready before being scourged, was he praying about this all his life?

And third just before Jesus died on the cross, he cried out “father forgive them they know not what they do.”

For the first time in my life even though I see Jesus crucified, I experienced him as the King of Kings and as the Saviour of the world.

I mysteriously experienced Jesus pouring his blood in my soul, the blood which he “purchased” salvation for the whole world.

At that moment, deep within I felt Jesus is real…his wounds are real…I need more…I need to know more of him. This was a partial conversion that I experienced and I began to feel the need to spend more time in prayer with him.

Two days later, I had to appear for my 2nd-semester college exams, after that I had to work on a college assignment, ironically this was a short movie about God but from a very generalist and secularistic perspective.

After I was done with my college assignment I decided to attend the growth retreat at Tabor Ashram between the 27th April 2008 to 30 April 2008. I was praying and preparing for the retreat in my free time and the very heart of my prayer was Lord Jesus touch me once more and I promise I’ll give my whole life to you!

When it was time to go for the retreat, I had all kinds of temptations of not going to this retreat. But with God’s grace I persevered.

One of the things that came to my mind about Jesus was that two of the largest religions in the world i.e. Christianity and Islam hold a special place for Jesus. 

For Christians he is God and  for the Muslims, he is a prophet. It made sense to me to think that a person called Jesus definitely existed.

Now if I want to know the truth about him whether he is prophet or God why not ask him(Jesus) only?

Matthew 16:13-17
When Jesus came into the coasts of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?
And they said, Some [say that thou art] John the Baptist: some, Elias; and others, Jeremias, or one of the prophets.
He saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am?
And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God.
And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed [it] unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven.

Here is an extract From the book Life Of Christ by Bishop Fulton Sheen:

"Reason dictates that if any person actually came from God, the least thing that God could do to support His claim would be to pre-announce His coming. Automobile manufacturers tell their customers when to expect a new model. If God sent anyone from Himself, or if He came Himself with a vitally important message for all men, it would seem reasonable that He would first let men know when His messenger was coming, where He would be born, where He would live, the doctrine He would teach, the enemies He would make, the program He would adopt for the future, and the manner of His death. By the extent to which the messenger conformed with these announcements, one could judge the validity of his claims".

Finally, the time for the retreat had arrived, I told myself “I will do whatever the priest says during the retreat, I will give it my all” and as I mentioned earlier the very heart of my prayer was “Jesus touch me once more and I'll give my whole life to you.”

The Happiest Day of My Life

On the first day of the retreat I actively took part in the prayer services paid attention to the teachings of the priest and other speakers.

On the second day, God had something special in store for me. I could never in my wildest dreams imagine what God had coming for me.

Before mass on day 2 we had an opportunity to make a confession and it was during mass, right at the consecration, when I experienced the fullness of my conversion.

THE VISION OF ALMIGHTY GOD

It was the time of consecration when the priest raised the bread and wine, suddenly the altar as I was seeing it got dim. And I began to see a bright light gradually shining in front me. (For a moment after all that I was going through I thought I was hallucinating or maybe I am going crazy) This light was beautiful but I couldn’t make out the source of the light, then after few seconds the light got brighter and I began to see a tall figure in red and blue and with long hair in place of the priest and suddenly in my heart I realized this is Jesus. I could not believe my eyes...I was amazed and dumbfounded...He is majesty personified…nothing absolutely nothing in this world or in this universe compares to the beauty and majesty of God/ Jesus Christ! I thought to myself if I were to lose my life at that very moment and go with him I would regret nothing. I compared everything that is beautiful in this world to the unimaginable beauty of Christ and nothing could come even close to him. I have no words to express what I felt at that moment, this was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. Not only my eyes were delighted but I felt unspeakable joy in my soul. This was the most beautiful and happiest moment of my life. I was filled with so much of joy, I cannot express in words. (I could have died of excessive Joy).

When the vision ended, I was thinking to myself who’s going to believe me so I thought of asking the person next to me if he saw what I saw and before I could even ask… the priest who was celebrating mass announced that some people in the audience had a vision, some saw Mary…Joseph…Jesus…the angels…and a bright light and each person saw something different. At that moment, all my doubts were cleared, all my inner wounds were healed.  I was filled with an indescribable joy, I was filled with amazement and wonder. For the remainder of the retreat, I was very alert, especially the teaching about life, God etc. My conversion opened my eyes to so many things, indeed by his grace and goodness I became a new person.

The Journey So Far…

Life continues to throw problems and challenges at me, at times I feel the sting of pain, I have my share of heartaches, but the walk with Christ is so much better than without him. God has been kind, merciful, patient, encouraging, and a source of endless hope and love.

Despite all my sins, failures and weaknesses, the challenge is to remain faithful and share Christ with others.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.